18!

ok, so i probably ran 16.5 of it. but walking is totally acceptable, which was the theme of today's run. i left the house tired and not feeling great. in two miles, i had run it all off. i enjoyed about 11 miles, followed the plan, and then things began to break down a little.

now, remember that I skipped last week's 12 mile long-run, that the week before's 16 was more of an injured run-walk, and the week before that the 15 was brutal to me. The longest I'd really run-run recently was last Wednesday's 9, so I should have expected turmoil to begin setting in around 10.

at 11, i wanted an extra walk-block, so I did. at 13, things fell apart a little. i was really cranky and crashing out. i remembered that this was exactly where the bottom fell out for me on my 15 mi run, told myself that i'd just run half a freaking marathon, and decided to walk a mile- a full mile, no matter whether i felt a bit better after a block. it's a good thing i did, and the walk took me from crying at song lyrics to finding my smile again. I easily ran mile 14 with the promise of another gel stop at 15.

15 was hard again, but I realized something... I kept wanting to walk but i couldn't figure out why. my legs were worn but not sore, my stomach was sloshy but not bad, and i wasn't tired-tired. i was just... mentally fatigued, almost bored. i gave myself an extra walk block at 16 and then kept focused to tough it out to 18.

see- there it is again, the mental thing. my legs can totally take it now. my foot was sore and hurt every 2 miles or so but was nowhere close to the problem it's been before. i was thirsty at times but nutrition and drinking was never a problem. it was my brain. it was my 300k problem. it's turning off the "that's enough" instinct, and it's harder than it seems. i'm learning. trading off between focusing on song lyrics and focusing on the next milestone I'm pursuing helps. i think bands and crowds and a race day will probably help more.

nevertheless, for 12 miles i was right on pace. the next 5 were 7 min longer than pace. then i stopped looking, but it was roundabouts 4hours. who knows what i'll do 26.2 in. no doubt it'll be 5-6 hours. between that, your guess is as good as mine. i've decided that "running" a marathon for me will probably include walking mile 13, and that's just fine.

anywho, that's 18. one more longer run to go. i can't believe i'm going to finish this thing. thanks to you- all of you, readers, commenters, lurkers, supporters. this blog gives me good accountability and even better motivation.