Once again, overthinking it.

I have this problem recently, where all I can think about when I'm running is the run itself. How fast I'm going, how I'm feeling, whether I'm panting, whether I'm pushing too hard, whether I'm pushing not hard enough. It's a curse, a gosh darn curse. It's like, pregnancy slows you down, which makes you feel slow, so you push to go faster, but you shouldn't, so you don't push, so you feel slow, so the whole time you're in this odd balance. I think about it too much and it's made running less fun.

I've been running on Edgemere Blvd, this little flat path in the median that's just short of 1.5 mi one-way. The whole way out the sun's in your eyes. It's really annoying. The etiquette on this trail, I've learned, is to say "morning!" and wave hello. But I can't manage to look up because the sun will scorch itself into my eyeballs, so instead I sort of just grunt. Yes, that's right-- El Paso people are friendly, that Chicago outsider is a big jerk.

Actually, I have found this to be the case. In stores, in parking lots, where-ever, the people of El Paso will look you in the eye and give you a heartfelt greeting, as if they really mean it when they say, "have a great day." I find it rather uncomfortable. I'm most comfortable when we're all keeping to ourselves and staring at the floor and saying "sorry" after running into people instead of saying "excuse me" and waiting for them to move. Maybe it's city life, maybe I am a jerk.

The "virtual goodie bag" arrived today for Big Sur. Sort of shocked me. I haven't thought about it in weeks. I'm really sad to be sitting it out. But there's no way it would happen, none at all. Next year.