If I can't make it, I'll make it out.

Well, I feel like I wasted 18 weeks of my life. That was a complete failure. Flying Pig Marathon '09, and this pig just didn't fly.

Start Saturday night though, when Judi suggested an awesome restaurant where we all had dinner. It was delicious. I love Judi because I feel like she's super grounded and we see eye-to-eye on so much. Then we went back to the complete mess of an expo (strategically set up so you have to walk past EVERY vendor) and made fun of the live models.

After a crappy night of not-much-sleep on a back-hurtingly-soft bed, it was up and out. I chose a t-shirt instead of sleveless, which I'd later find was a bad choice. Got to the start 2 minutes before gun and had to jump a barrier to join the field. And we're off.

Mile one, cough up a lung. For three miles, I was at or below pace. Then mile 3 I started getting overheated- probably my cold. Said hi to Ben at the bridge at mile 3 or so and already I had nothing but bad things to say. The 4:45 pace group passed me, saw Ben again, and again, I was all bad news. By mile 5 I was seeing stars and ended up puking by the side of the road. Surprised I didn't pass out. Then came the hills, and they were HILLS. Like, out of the saddle in the little ring hills. My little pit stop had me off pace, so I walked the hills, saving.

The overheating continued and screwed with my hydration. I had visions of cold showers, clear water swimming pools, drinking gallons. I knew if I drank as much as I wanted, I'd get sloshy and be done for. I really felt crappy. The decided that I'd try to keep the 5:00 pace group behind me to the half, and then do whatever after that. I accomplished this small feat.

After that, it was crawling to the finish line. Like, 12:00 miles or slower, walking through water stations to make the times even worse. I just felt fantastically terrible. I kept shuffling along and just sang to myself. I met a local girl at mile 17 and we chatted and kept eachother going till mile 25. Then her husband ran with her and I pressed on.

5:15. At least 30 minutes slower than I hoped. I cried. And cried and cried. I don't know what to think. Marathons aren't like races we usually do because you have one shot. You train 18 weeks for one day. And my one day was for shit. Why waste all spring trying only to get WORSE? I was supposed to meet Judi afterward, but we just left. I feel like a crappy friend for it, but I just couldn't handle anything.

So, that's my 4th race this year. 2 running, 2 riding. And all off-the-back, slower-than-pace, stupid excuses. I'm a real failure as a halflete. But at least I can show up with a smile, enjoy a beer, support other folks that don't suck, and be an athletic supporter.

roll out

with the sun poking through this morning, i'm starting to believe. packed two kinds of skirt, three tops, arm warmers, jacket... i'm ready for whatever sunday brings. feeling a little better but still talking like i chainsmoked last night and coughing up colorful bits. ready to get it over with. rolling out.

missions.

You'll excuse a short break from me complaining about still being sick, about the 40 degree and rainy weather for the marathon this sunday, and about the car fire that awoke our family at 6:18am this morning, to talk about something even nearer and dearer to my heart: Star Trek.

I've long been a fan. In fact, when the final episode of The Next Generation aired, I had all my high school friends over for a viewing party and my mom made us cookies. I've seen every episode of TNG. (I prefer it to the original, which to these eyes is hokie.) My first car's license plate was NTRPRYZ (all the good ones were taken) and it had a "Vulcan Science Academy" sticker in the back.

I think part of the attraction for me was that the creator, Gene Roddenberry, had a view of the way he believed the world should be, and he made that view real through the show. Early Star Trek was a pioneer in racial equity and actually had the first on-screen interracial kiss. Roddenberry used the opportunity to create new worlds as a way to contrast the good and bad-- one episode sticks out in my mind where the planet the Enterprise visits uses death as the penalty for all crimes, no matter how petty, and how passionately the planet's leaders defend it. You'd be surprised how regularly the show was censored.

So, then things went downhill for the series. Roddenberry died and the franchise dipped into Deep Space:9, what I saw as an outer space soap opera, and Voyager, which never did catch anyone's attention. It lost the spark, or, more likely, it lost Roddenberry's voice for what should be. The new guys weren't pushing it or making a mark. It lacked vision.

Now there's a new movie out. I'm afraid to even go see it. I want to, but I know it will be a disappointment. It will have great special effects and fun gizmos and gadgets but I'm afraid that it might miss the mark. Star Trek had a message, a mission. I hope that's not lost.