Julie's Palos Meltdown Slow Rider Course Preview

(photo: Naz) While the Bonebell knows the course, they don't quite know the struggle. Cuz we ain't all expert fancy pants Kabush-esque riders.

It starts out as a grass crit, really. This is where having tires that are just plain stupid in most trail conditions can actually help you out quite a bit. Take some smart lines and get aggressive- if you don't have great trail skillz this is one of your great chances. Pass where you can, cuz those folks will do the same to you. (Remember, people who are trying to pass you have to find a safe space to do it- you do NOT need to get off the trail to let people by! If someone's lapping you or not in your race, though, it is really a friendly gesture to help let them by.)

Then you make the left turn onto the blue trail. Stay out of the rut (and beware of butterflies) and make the hard left, punch up that first little rise out of the saddle (don't you start shifting yet!) and ride the sweeping false flat around the edge of the hill. You come into a section where the trail is super rocky and has some nice drops and a hill. DO NOT LOOK AT THE ROCKS- they have Medusa-like abilities to frighten. Ignore that they're there. Float over them. Be slightly careful with the slight right curve in the downhill- don't wash out- but as long as you're not railing it you should be fine. When you make the hard left onto the climb, don't even try to find a good line, just ignore the rocks, put your head down, and give them pedals what you've got. You're fine. Hopefully you didn't let those people with skillz past either.

Woot, you're on the green. This short double track section is your first chance to sip that beer in your bottle, or to pass back those people with actual trail tires. Then, turn to the right onto the orange and fly down that hill- there's nothing there that needs brakes, and then come to the CLIMB. It's short and punchy and you can do it, but you'll look to the right and see this random split-rail fence, and think to yourself, "wow, that's a really random place to see a split-rail fence," and so you won't notice that you're actually only halfway up the hill. Which is nice, because then you will only notice when you've got 1/4 left, which isn't all that bad. Celebrate at the top, this is as steep as it gets!

Off the orange with a right onto a disintegrating road. It's kinda gnarly. Since you have those stupid grass crit-style tires on you can really pick up some speed. My mark for when to get it back in control is where the street disintegrates on both sides to just a 2' section in the middle. You drop back into singletrack on the left- not the first false-drop-in, but a little ways past that. It's a hard left, so be ready!

OK, so this section has lots of little clumps of rocks to help drainage and fun whoop-dees on it and other stuff. It's not real fast for the riding, and those people you just passed on the pavement might be swearing at you by now. LET THEM. This is your fun day in the woods, don't let them harsh your mellow. I, the slowest least skilled racer out there, can ride all of this stuff-- which should convince you that you can too! There's some fun hardpack sections that are narrow but fast, make sure you take advantage of the flow. The log piles have ride-arounds if you need them, which you won't for the first pile, but you might for the second, but I can ride the second, so unless you're on a road bike, c'mon, just give it a shot.

The dreaded ravines come next. I haven't been out there in a few weeks, but all reports say they've been rebuilt to no longer be dread-able. Which sort of bugs me, because that was where my 1000 miles a year of running actually sort of helped. Yargh. Supposedly now the "don't look just ride" works, but either way, you are required to shout "wheeeeeeeee!" as loud as possible while going through the ravines, because it's fun. There are some sweeping, banked switchbacks they just built, too, which should be another great chance to relax and just roll.

After that, climb up the long, rocky, rooty uphill. It's not that bad. This is the one place where choosing good lines helps. Keep your power up to get over some of those roots/stairstep sections, and just keep your head down and chug along. Yes, there will be people trying to pass. Let them, because up next...

Left through the parking lot area and on to doubletrack! Another chance to grab a sippa or maybe one of those donuts in your jersey pocket. Again, your lack of skills are overshadowed by the fact that you didn't waste all your gas on that climb, and you pass back that rider on the schmancy softtail. Bam! Off the double, a right turn onto the shortest piece of singletrack ever. Be careful on the drop back onto doubletrack- it's sorta gnarley- and in just a few short minutes you're back on the grassy hill. High fives all around, grab a beer, and get ready... for another lap.

See? Not that bad. Actually kinda fun.